T.I.’s Toxic Masculinity
Call up ya homegirl, we can go and get her!
If she love a good time then tonight might impress her (ha ha).
Squeeze in ya tight skirt, match wit ya best purse.
I can show ya both how to ball im an expert. (“King and Queen,” T.I.)
I don’t know that much about the rapper T.I. I know he was born Clifford Joseph Harris, Jr. in Atlanta, Georgia. I know that his recording career began in 1999, and he has had several deals with major record labels. He’s won three Grammy Awards. I also know that he has had legal troubles, from drug and weapons charges, to tax issues. He has spent time in jail. I don’t really care about any of that.
But now, Alanna Vagianos of Huffington Post has reported that T.I. proudly announced on a podcast that he escorts his 18-year-old daughter, Deyjah Harris, to the OB/GYN in order to verify her virginity. Eighteen. Years. Old.
The transcript is chilling. He makes the appointment. He orders her to go. He runs roughshod over the doctor’s concerns about patient confidentiality. And he demands that the doctor confirm that her hymen is still intact.
What the hell kind of toxic masculinity is this? What the hell year is this?
First things first. As Vagianos makes clear, Clifford is plain wrong on the facts. That’s not really how hymens work. Some people don’t have them. (This trip to the doctor is not the first for T.I. and Deyjah, so presumably she does have one.) Some have them, but hymens can rupture for a wide variety of reasons: through physical activity, through sports, through personal hygiene. Some disintegrate and fall away over time.
It is also of interest, and a whole other issue of concern, that hymen restoration surgeries are a thing — particularly for Mother’s Day. I see ads in our local newspaper for these procedures.
It may also be of interest that people of a certain class used to have to fake a ruptured hymen upon the consummation of their wedding vows. They would use chicken blood, or, perhaps, hire a surrogate for the nuptial ritual.
But why in the name of all that is decent is T.I. walking his grown daughter down to the OB/GYN for this test?
Toxic masculinity. For T.I., his daughter is a possession. Something (and I wrote that deliberately) that he owns and controls. In his mind, in his version of masculinity, it is his right and duty to “protect” his daughter. He says in the interview that children will look back and thank their parents for protecting them from making mistakes. True, a person may thank their parent for making them wear a helmet when their rode their bike. But can this even be considered in the same category? I think not.
To be sure, T.I. will want to walk his daughter down the aisle some day, confident in her virginity — and therefore suitability — and hand her over to her new owner. That is the fundamental and underlying purpose of a father walking his daughter down the aisle. It signifies the transfer of property from one man to another. At the time the tradition emerged, women had the civil and legal status of property. She was owned by her father, until she was owned by her husband. Although marriage reform laws changed some of the aspects of ownership in the late 1800s, many of them persisted into the late 1900s.
And, apparently, T.I. thinks it’s still 1880.
Click the link above. Read the transcript of T.I.’s description of the doctor’s visit. It’s appalling. And, yet, he finds it perfectly reasonable. His belief, however, can only be reasonable if he has the perspective that he controls her. It can only be reasonable from the position that he must control her body and her sexuality.
T.I. is far from alone. Men like him exist everywhere. He’s Luke P. from The Bachelorette. He’s your co-worker and next-door neighbor. And this particular version of masculinity is pernicious. Women’s bodies do not exist to be controlled by men. Women’s sexuality does not exist to be controlled by men — fathers, husbands, lovers, bosses, politicians.
Beyjah Harris is a grown-ass woman. She has reached the age of legal majority, of legal consent. Of autonomy. Period.
Ritch Calvin is an Associate Professor of Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies at SUNY Stony Brook. He is the author of a book on feminist science fiction and editor of a collection of essays on Gilmore Girls.
